Don't it Make His Green Eyes Red: Learning to Love

It was getting out of control. My cat. A combination of growling and meowing, obsessive, just being a royal, well, you know what. He isn't sick; just wants attention. I tried the tactics of what I had learned by watching "The Dog Whisperer"in not making eye contact to show him who's boss, but one night last week, after Russell, our black and white cat, was not responding, and in fact, getting worse, I stopped.

Everywhere in my life improvements were happening, but not with this cat and that was not good since I adore being home and quietly working, and as an empty nester, it is now just the cat and me.

He is obsessed with me brushing him which I do every morning very soon after feeding him. If he had it his way, the brush would be surgically attached to my hand and he would be under it.

I am his slave, it seems.

So about this time last week, I turned and looked him in the eyes and said this to him, "Russell, we've got to work this out. We are here, together, and this is our castle. We must find a way peacefully to live together. I love you, Russell, now let's make this work."

I stared into his green eyes and watched him. He looked at me, watching me, and this cat is unusually smart, and together, I knew he understood. He calmed down. He laid down beside me. The growling/meowing stopped. And I sat there, red-faced.

One week later, we are living in harmony. He still howls if I get distracted or too animated while having a phone conversation, but he doesn't headbutt me in the morning if I move one iota while  waking or bolt in front of me as I walk to the bedroom, expecting me to brush him every time I go in there.

He is calmer and so am I. Just now he walked in, ate, and then, stopped by my chair and gave a big growling howl. Before I would have ignored him, but, instead, I reached down and asked him what was wrong and petted him. He stared at me. He knows my intention and I know his. He wants to be brushed and I want to work at home, in tranquility.

I had control all the time and its name is love.

My bad.

"This is..."

I used to get so embarrassed as we stood in front of any cashier. It would not take long. "This is my daughter, Sheela," I would hear him say, knowing what was to follow. "She is my elder daughter. I have four children: two boys and two girls." And off he'd go, relaying to the cashier his beginning, first joining the Air Force at 17, and then finding his wife in Salt Lake, and then the four children. Sometimes he got stuck in the AF history until I felt faint, nudging him to let the clerk do his or her job.

And then came his smile. And on he went.

He wanted to tell his story. He needed to. My father walked with wounds, but ever, and always, healed them slowly, ever so slowly by telling the world, "I have a history. I have a family. I have accomplishments." And so I inherited much of this zeal for life, and when he died, I promised him I would continue our story.

And complete it.

And that's why I feel strongly about any older generation telling its story to the next and further younger ones because as we get to seven or more decades, even less, the thoughts start gelling, the connections begin to meld, and suddenly voices come alive with epiphanies and surging whirlpools of energetic discoveries.

So the next time an older person starts talking to you, randomly or purposefully, stop for a minute. Take your eyes away from your smartphone. Turn off the ipod. Hush your inner dialogue and listen.

Would an elder daughter lie to you?

Elder Campfire

I am so excited to offer the following project, listed on Kickstarter. It is Elder Campfire: What I Want You to Know Before I Go, a memoir video and print project for all NYC senior centers, nursing and retirement homes, and assisted living residences.

Please watch the video and spread the word (oh and fund, too!). Thank you.

The Elder Campfire is Burning and Ready to be Funded

Well, I hit the button and started a project very dear to me: "The Elder Campfire: What I Want You to Know Before I Go" project to record orally as many senior citizen's stories as possible that they want to share with their children, grandchildren, and future generations. I hope you will help me fund it, and will spread the word. I will be beginning the NYC tri state area, but hope to expand and travel about the Country and beyond!

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/156711973/the-elder-campfire-what-i-want-you-to-know-before