Creativity is Inside

As an empty nester, I'm finding myself talking to the cat more often. "Like the way that lamp shade catches the light, Russell?" I say as he blinks his lively green eyes. And I know what he's thinking, "she's gonna give me some treats."

Yesterday I went into one of the neighborhood dry cleaners and spoke with the wife of the couple who own it. I spoke as if we were old friends, and gushed over the steal of a cashmere winter coat I'd found at Salvation Army for $20. "Stop talking like you're old friends," my head told me as I noticed her just staring as I spoke. She'd only heard Salvation Army.

It's not easy being alone. Not as easy as I thought it would be. I watch Tavis Smiley last thing at night like someone might drink a glass of warm milk before going to bed in order to sleep.

Tonight I bought $5 worth of clear holiday lights for my window in the living room. Last year I went out onto the fire escape and strung icicle lights from one end of the grill to the other. This year this single window has my attention. Maybe Leila and Sarah's rooms, too. Yes, that is what I will do. This year it's all about what's inside.

So after announcing to Russell what I was about to do, I took the lights out of the box and took down the fall curtain and left the beige sheer panel up.

"This is going to be our solitary curtain for the holidays, Russell," I said. "Come and watch what I'm going to do."
Hoisting myself up on a chair, I looped the lights over the top and then curled the string down and around the lower half of the curtain, creating a luminous braid and laid the tail end of it on the windowsill.

I loved it.

Maybe it was from watching the World Fashion shows last night and listening to the creative ideas of each designer as well the hair and make up stylists, too, but something stirred in me. What I am learning: Trust your ideas.

Russell came out and quickly left. A crazy lady on a chair is spooky. But I marveled and can't wait til my daughters come over and see it, too. I hope they will see that their mom is finding light where at first it seemed the brilliance left with their luggage.

Thankfully for all of us, parents or not, there will always be light.

It is inside.