Mourning trumps everything. Better to express it as it comes than to let it sit inside and have a temper tantrum. This morning I am going to the Bronx and I am feeling such resistance to writing. That tells me to write because good stuff is coming. I'm asking my angels to help me to release my knuckle-white fear. I vow this morning and onward to name a tea date as does Allice Walker and to show up. I am not giving up on the process or me. Feelings, especially ones in regard to one's mother, run incredibly deep, for better or for worse. I felt my mother, yesterday, nudging me to write. I felt her hand on my head, stroking my hair. She had marvelous hands.
I will remember that on my tea date.
3 comments:
I learned in my non-fiction class that sometimes it is almost better to hold off on the painful writing until the grieving process has somewhat passed the roughest waters...so in that sense, writing about Nanny becomes more painful than it does pleasing and fitting for a novel. And so, it is probably best to write about what doesn't feel painful to write about, or something where the emotions can be more controlled...basically, it's all about writing things that you know you have emotionally evolved from and can write and think critically on it, while that emotion that was once fuming is now just a nice fruitful and necessary flavor to the piece.
You are in the right place at the right time and in the right moment. The emotions that take over right now will one day be consciously controlled, and they will be the air to the piece!
Does that help?!
I love you, Sarah. It helps more than I can state. Much, much thanks, my smart and darling daughter!
Checking up on you as I check your blog. Excellent piece of work here. Was wondering. Perhaps you don't always need to blog. You can choose two topics-one for the blog and one for your journal. Your journal is just for you. Your blog is for the public. If what you jot down in the journal is what you wish to also share in the blog, then do so. If not, keep it in your journal. Those feelings that are raw and sharp can be safe in there. Not for everyone, just yet, but just for you.
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