Jealousy

Understanding comes in many forms.

I've been tired all day, but I got a second wind on my walk home and shot another movie by taking pictures. I sure do enjoy it. Something heavy that's been hanging onto me for a while is lifting off, and I don't feel such a burden when I pick up my pen. I feel a lightness. For once, the instruments are feeling friendly. Weapons of Mass Delight.

I've been very slack in reading my spiritual books since my mother's death. Ain't that funny? I don't know if it was the five weeks I spent beside her both in the hospital and in the hospice room we set up in my sister's house, but I was too busy tending to life and to death to read the passages that keep me focused, aware, centered, and anchored onto love's strong ocean floor. And then when she passed, I just fell away for a time. Not out of anger or lack of faith; just out of weariness to keep going.

But going out last night to read my two poems broke something free and I was able to swim back to my rock of station. Today I picked up Deepak Chopra's books: "Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" and "Creating Affluence," and read a few pages, but I wanted to close my eyes. It is not easy to continue without one's Mother. I never knew how much I meant that. To find a friend inside her and then to have to send her on her way so soon left me with a dry sadness in my throat and heart.

But I feel her telling me to keep going since we are never truly separated anyway.

There is a sweet stillness spreading through me. The warrior and the witness have merged and I stand strong, humbled, and blessed. I'm ready to continue to make the goddess of wealth jealous by paying more attention to the goddess of knowledge.

I have everything I need. Everything,