Breaking Down Walls

Yesterday was a tough day, and at 5:50 pm CST, my sister and I, she in Texas, me in New York, as well as my daughter in Boston, lit candles prior to the time my mother flew to higher consciousness one year to the day. We blew out the candles and watched the smoke rise - as she had done a year ago. For my sister, it relieved a lot of pain and she felt lighter. I, on the other hand, had only the candles lit and so when I blew them out, was sitting in darkness and realized I couldn't see the smoke. So in an attempt to feel what my sister felt, I reenacted it later, and watching the smoke rising up, felt somewhat better, but still felt the loss of not only our mother, but our father who had gone on more than 13 years ago.

Yet, this morning I do feel better. I feel the release and I know all is well. Most of all, I feel a new era coming for me. Yesterday I stayed home from my ESL evening class. I hadn't intended to, but when I woke up, I just knew I needed to be alone. I had been my mother's hospice caregiver. I'd given her every bit of medicine and pain reliever. I'd not slept worth anything for days once we brought her home. I'd held her hand and witnessed her pulse cease. Yesterday it all came back.

But, still, yesterday, I asked my mother to bring me peace, bring me answers. Help me to move on. And around mid afternoon, I got an inkling to listen to hayhouseradio.com and the tingle of spirit came onto me when I saw that Doreen Virtue's show was ready to begin angeltherapy.com.

One of the callers stated that her ability to manifest was happening so slowly, and why? Doreen explained to her that she needed to ramp up her personal energy. I felt the joy of discovery. "This is for you, Sheela," I felt my mother telling me. And yes, it was for me. I have not been diligent in living a healthy, strong lifestyle in nutrition, exercise, less caffeine, and more sleep. Aha! I felt! Aha!

So to everyone who has cajoled me into better eating, I have gotten healthier, but I know what I'm not doing enough and now I know this is the wall between manifestation and me.

Hoorah! Thank you, Mom, and to everyone who has told me. It is so true, change is a personal choice and can only happen from within the individual. The change for me has come.

This morning is a new day for me. I'm going to exercise more, eat better and wiser, drink lots of water, less coffee, and get incredible hours of sleep. That combined with meditation, prayer, study, and manifestation, I am primed, ready, out of the gate.

Everything has new meaning for me.