I Do

If I wasn't divorced, today I would have been married for 28 years to Edward William Wolford, the father to my two children and who left this plane at 43 in 1999. Yet, I feel him with us more and more. I have been told he walks beside me, comforting me, and guiding me. Our two daughters are remarkable. No other description will do. They remind me every day as I awaken more and more to the magic and solidity of spirit that there are no mistakes. I saw blue fairy dust when I first eyeballed Fast Eddie and when I shoved my way into a party where he was  and I willed him to look at me and he did, reaching over and touching my ankle, I felt electricity shoot up my leg. We were teased from time to time by his band mates that we were in lust and not love, but by now everyone knows it was the latter. He does walk beside me and his girls and he helps in ways that transcend anything earthly and yet is as common and as lovely as anything I could have asked for in this material life with him, as his wife.

Twenty-eight years ago we didn't have a clue. We both messed things up so much and his alcoholism refused to allow any chance of growth or fruition of our love. So I left with our two daughters, one still in my womb, and never again were we in the same room, under the same roof, except for the one time I took him to court for child support and he was so angry at me. I was shaking and seeing someone else who wouldn't even drive me to the courthouse. Oh what bad choices I made in those days!

Leila holding Sarah.

Today, I know the truth of our union. We agreed long before we were born to do this and I am so glad. I know he feels bad about the way things went down and I know he does walk beside me, and I never feel alone. In fact, I feel love in ways I never expected.

I am so filled with love and security tonight. My only wish is that our girls could have known him better and I know that is the ultimate heartbreak and pity. But in this parenthetical moment on earth, they have and will survive and one day when they slip off the jacket of this life, he will be there for them. And the reunion will be exquisite.

Next post: All about my birthday yesterday. So great!