Two years ago in March I was back home in West Texas and would come to stay there for five weeks while caring for my mother who would die on April 13, 2010. As her hospice caregiver, I signed up to be with her 24 hours a day the last ten days of her life. I am so thankful for it. When I returned to New York, I was unbelievably sleep-deprived, yet a cleansed energy began to pummel through me, and still today. Those five weeks were magical to me as I know they were to my mother, too.
We were never close. I wanted to move back to my childhood home more than five years ago and be there for her, but she decided to move in with my sister, so I remained in New York, silently thankful and disappointed at the same time. But there are no mistakes. Because when it came time for her to come back to my sister's home, to the bedroom built on for her, I was the only sibling available to stay with her. I eagerly signed the consent form, agreeing to be the best hospice caregiver I could be.
I had no business being there. I had lost my job in 2007 and spent the next three years struggling. When I returned after my mother's death, I still had my new part time job, but my finances were collapsing on me and yet I felt such grace, such thankfulness. The fear was great, but I felt, truly felt one foot in the next dimension urging me on to find my middle ground and to learn from all this.
So I am writing about those five weeks with my mother. It has taken two years to know this is the exact moment to do such. I've had pages and pages of starts, but nothing has worked and it was because I was without self esteem which I reclaimed a few months ago and now everything has changed. I am so fortunate.
Showers of blessings. Five weeks.Starting now.
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