Cutting Wood, Carrying Water

 "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." - Chinese Proverb

In order to move to the next level, sometimes, I am learning, you have to complete the current one first. That might sound ridiculous since it is a no brainer, but think about how many times we - or at least I - jump ship out of frustration, desperation or mortification. In looking back, the handful of jumps I've made have made good sense, but this one, this one as an ESL teacher tells me there'll be no escape until I've learned what I need to take away with me. And in that completion, I will be united in my purpose and whole in my person, the gorgeous imperfect gal that I am.

So, okay.

I teach low level learners how to speak English. It feels like the equivalent of sign language. What it is teaching me is to take nothing for granted, especially language and communication. Oh how many times, I realize now, I have spoken to my students and they politely nodding their heads, have not understood a blimey word I've said!

Me, clowning around during a class trip to Times Square.

There is a wise and understated ESL Literacy teacher who works with those who cannot read. I am learning so much from her because when I am exhausted and down on myself as a teacher, she tells me to concentrate on getting them to learn through verbal means. "Otherwise you are just up there showing off your skills," she says to me, humbly, on our train ride home, and without malice. And oh gosh is she right.

"But I feel like all that repetition bores them," I reply to her, exasperated. "No, it is you who are bored," she softly says. "They love it because they are learning. You are helping them to speak in English."

So tonight and for the rest of May until our evening program closes in early June, I am going to do just that with my two low level classes. We are going to speak and I will guide them. It is more work - or at least feels that way - so much easier to Xerox a page or fifty of grammar exercises - but I know in doing this for my students, I shall take with me the knowledge - and wisdom - of my own ability in writing and the repetitious discipline I need in order to reach the mountaintop of my desires and goals.

So with humility, creativity, and patience, I begin rather than wanting to call in sick to stay home and watch TV. Those days are gone. My time has come. I am home. You are home. He, she, it is home. Who is home? I am home. Is he at home? Yes, he is at home. Is she at home? Yes, she is at home. You are home? Yes, I am home.


Sheela Wolford is a writer, workshop facilitator, poet, and educator. She is writing a memoir on her time spent with her mother as her hospice caregiver and is uncovering the layers of the agonizingly sweet truth of their friendship and time together.