That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you've understood all your life, but in a new way. - Doris Lessing

Give me a few extra subbing days as an ESL teacher and it doesn't take long for me to be drained and counting the days to freedom. It's not the students (sometimes it is) as much as it is a loss of energy. When I am working as a teacher, I give a lot and I never regret it and know it has contributed monstrously big to my evolution.

Energy is all we've got and as much as people protect and gather money, energy is the real gold. And I value my energy. Teaching provides me insight, patience, compassion, structure, and windows into my personality. And when I say good-bye to it, I know it will be the perfect time and it will have served its purpose as it needed to be in my life. Teaching involves so much energy and as always I have great respect for teachers. I am grateful for this cycle I am in until end of December as it has been the breakthrough one for me. Oh how I wanted to leave teaching, well ever since I started. Yet, ESL is so much easier for me in that it involves NO grading and it is a service that connects with my purpose which is to encourage. And I've learned a lot of grammar in the meantime.

And I can clown around as I teach vital information.

I swore I'd quit every cycle though since when I started in June of 2010. But I'm still here and with these extra stints, I am edging closer to the exit sign that is flashing red and imperative. But I am glad the Universe won't let me go, yet. There is more about me I have to learn and I am learning it, mi amigo y amiga. And I am so thankful.

It's all about the voice, tempo, tone, speed, and style.

Just as in writing.

Just as in life.

On a class trip to Times Square. That's me closest to the
border, holding the camera.

Sometimes on the teaching floor I'm all over the place and the students who love me the most give me that eye which tells me, "No more coffee today for you little lady," or "Teacher, you're embarrassing yourself and me." And that's when I know to stop. Sometimes I'm sluggish and cranky (not often) and a talkative student gets the evil eye. But most the time, I am dancing as Ginger Rogers and every line a melody, each laugh deserved, and the message of each lesson received. And at the end of all those days, I reflect and pause, wondering: "Have I helped them? Have I helped me?"

And lately, the answer is a resounding yes.

I'm beginning my Reiki practice in mid November and it will  replace teaching with a new service, a new giving. Best of all, I will remain silent in the sessions and only a brief discussion afterwards.The client will receive all the benefits. And I won't lose an ounce of energy.

I call that a win-win, yes? Soon, I graduate.

Class dismissed.

Sheela Wolford is a writer, poet, photographer, and spiritual healer, dedicated by her favorite lyric by the Georgia Satellites: "I don't want to die asking for another chance." Another lifetime will roll around, but this one smacks of NOW. And she is ready to provide and to produce what rides in her, energetically free and colossal. She is writing The Year of the Brown adidas Running Shoes, as well as Cliffhanger, a play about her relationship with her mother, a colorful and grounding grief journal, and a poetry and photography collection. In November, she will train to become a Reiki practitioner in the NYC tri-state area. As always, Sheela is ready to write and to lead a workshop customized for whatever is needed. You can contact her at wolfordfindyourvoice@gmail.com or go to  Workshops by Wolford and please feel free to "like" her on Facebook.